i love laughing about the friend zone because it’s so dumb like you know most of those dudes aren’t even IN the “friend zone” they’re in the “ugh god not this dude again” zone
So my friend works in the sound booth at his church and during the sermon, the preacher started bashing on gay people, so my friend muted him. Literally muted his preachers microphone I
I’m in the living room and I could hear my mom on the phone down in the basement trying to fix something in the vent. So naturally I went over to the vent and went "OOOoooOOOHHHhhhh DeBORaHH!!!!! ThhIIISSSsss Issss YouRR CONSCIENCEEEEE!!!! ConFEsSS TO thAT MURDER YooouUU CooMMiTtEEDDdd in 1983!!!!"
and all I heard back was
“I’m gonna have to call you back. My kids being a fucking idiot again.”
he looks so happy!
who cares about hashtags when there’s hashbrowns
we’re living in an era where capturing moments on our phones is more important than building giant robots to protect us from the giant alien lizard monsters emerging from the depths of the pacific ocean
when you know something doesnt fit in the fridge but you force the door shut and let it fall out on someone else
my anaconda dont want none unless you got funds hun
dark times are coming for bloggers who don’t watch doctor who
ok but consider this
- who cares
People with anxiety:
- Know the worry is irrational
- Want to calm down but can’t
- Hate the fact that breathing feels like you are trying to breathe rocks instead of air
- Feel like they are drowning and suffocating. Telling them to just take a breath and calm down doesnt help.
- Want to stop shaking but can’t control their limbs.
- Just plain feel horrible and embarrassed.
this is still the best story ever told at a talk show
102 YEARS AGO
THEY’RE ALL SKELETONS FIGHTING IN THE UNDERWATER SKELETON WAR NOW
I’m sure they are very chill right now.
You might even say they’re…
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT
is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing
no its called highjacking
guys no it’s weedwhacking
no its called dissapointing ur mother